Kicking for fun...

Awe, the life of soccer.  I was around it most of my childhood life while my brother played and now... K is playing soccer.  To be a soccer mom!  hehe  minus the suburban or mini-van, thanks!!!  K's team, the Gators have had 3 games now and she has played in 2 of them.  We missed her 1st game due to a death in the family but she is picking up the sport and the spirit of the game quickly.  

The verdict...K LOVES it!  I have a feeling we may be playing this sport many more seasons.  She is already dreading the summer coming because she knows soccer will be over.  She loves this fast paced game and we think her favorite position is defense.  She is wonderful at guarding the goal and being the goalie.  She falls into this position naturally.  Although the coach rotates the girls in forward positions and defensive positions, K always falls back and guards the goal when the opposing players get near. 

Being on the sidelines as a parent is Totally different!  I am loving watching her play and encouraging her and her teammates on.  I think I yelled more in game 3 than in game 2 and possibly more than Wade did.  oops!   It is fun and cute watching them play and figure the sport out. 

The Gators Game 2 pics (K's 1st game)... chomp, chomp (with arms out)!

Sarah and K

Sarah sooooo proud to be Number 1! 

The girls got to pick the number they wanted to be.  The smaller jerseys were numbered 1 to 8.  Numbers 9 and 10 were larger... hence K needing one of them.  She chose number 10.  Kyle what number were you?  I sadly cannot recall it.

Pre-game photo ops from the mama-razzi!

Pre-game huddle time

K cheering on her team on the sideline as she waits for her turn to play.  Again, the coach is Great about rotating all the girls so they each get plenty of time to play and learn all the positions.  She intensely does NOT want anyone to score a goal on her team.  More pics on her feelings for this game are below...

This is Sarah's second year to play.  She wants to score goals! 

 (To see the intensity in her face, click on the picture to enlarge it.) 

I Love Sarah's intensity to get the ball moving down the field!

(another pic to click and enlarge)

K and her 1st corner kick op.

Yes, we are learning to control ourselves more with time.  teehee  Sooo cute to see her trying so hard though.  ...enlarge this pic too : )

Getting in the mix and playing the game... I LOVE IT!!! Wade and I are seeing sports in completely different positions - as a parent.

 enlarge these too

Her 1st throw-in

You canNot miss this face so enlarge it grandparents!

 This may be "ONE" of the pictures of the year.  (You have not seen the pics from game 2 yet)  This is K's "BULL face" or game face.  She got to go to her 1st Tuesday practice before we had to head out of town (missed her 1st game) but we made it back to town so she could attend her 2nd practice as well.  While we were getting ready for that 2nd practice she looked at herself in the mirror, put up her muscles and then snarled at the mirror.  I said "sweetie, what are you doing?"  She said, "MOM, this is my bull face!  I am getting ready for the big game!"  I said, "K, honey, this is just practice, not a game."  She said "Mom!  I know but I have to have on my game face there too."      All I can say is OH MY!  Whose child is this?

 K as goalie...stopping a ball from going in.  She stopped 2 balls from going in this game. 

Sarah attacking the ball again. 

By the way, K loved when the ref called for a ball from the players and Wade threw in hers first.  It was not expected or planned but K enjoyed every moment of knowing "her" ball was the game ball.  She talks about the grass stains now.  They lost 2-4.  But, they had a great time playing and I know K learned a lot.  She even discovered that there are time when you may play a game against someone you know.  One of her friends from school at Parkhills and her Ballet class last year was a player for the other team.  They were both quite shocked to see each other. 

Another note to remember for future knowledge.  She has yet to say she is nervous to play or practice in front of everyone.  I am not sure what it is but the kid is scared to death of a stage and she has NO problem getting out in front of people sitting on the sidelines yelling at her.  I think, nope, I know, she loves this game.  You know how she is always asking what "her talent is."  I think we may have found it.  I think she is destined to play sports.  If it is a new chapter with soccer, who knows?  I'll post game 2 pics soon. 

Thanks Amy for asking us to play.

Leaving an impression

My uncle Brian emailed W and I this very sweet and thoughtful letter while we were in the midst of some hard days.  We were trying to figure out what God wanted us to do...what was the "right" thing to do according to His word, what was best for our family and for my health.  This letter shocked both of us in a positive way.  It was amazing having a family member reach out and tell us "Don't give up."  God was wonderful to us because He worked through Brian at just the right time. 

A few weeks after Brian left us here on earth I re-found this message.  To this day, this message means more than I can explain to both W and I and it once again had amazing timing when I read it.  I will cherish this for the rest of my days.

We know you are in better hands Brian but you are and will be missed here.  We will remember you!  Thank you for touching our lives, being such a strong Christian and being my uncle.  Love, K


Here is a portion of the letter...




From: Brian E. Sn0dgrass

Sent: Friday, February 26, 2010 12:09 PM
To: 3adairs@satx.rr.com
Subject: Our Request for New Life



Wade and Kristi,

Don’t Give Up!
Psalms 37: Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. …and what a priceless desire.



A Prayer for New Life

Heavenly Father, I come into Your presence to intercede on behalf of Kristin and Wade Adair in their efforts to conceive new life.  We pray these things in faith believing, You, Heavenly Father are the Creator of everything seen and unseen. Thank you, for the gift to W and K of little K. It is their earnest desire to give her a sibling, and in doing so, praising you and glorifying your Holy Name.

I pray that, “the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Glory, may move close to the Adairs and make your face to shine on us on them. Please intervene supernaturally and grant their request for new life, ensuring successful conception and full term delivery to birth and that all physical attributes are normal and healthy in every way for the baby. We speak a blessing unto Kristi that she be granted good health throughout the pregnancy in provision for the baby. Please protect Kristi and the new life she will carry. Surround Kristi with that protection and love. Let her know You are always there.

We understand the magnitude of this request and pledge undying commitment and praise to you.

We pray that this child live a long and healthy life in you. We pray that “the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto this child, “the eyes of your understanding and be enlightened, that this child may know what is the Hope of His calling, and the riches of the glory of His inheritance,…and what is the exceeding greatness of His power to us who believe.”




Thank you Jehovah Jireh, our Provider. Thank you, Jehovah Shalom, our Peace, Jehova - Nissi, Our Victory!   “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you”,

W and K, “with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith. I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever!”




Thank you, Father.

In Christ’s Holy Name, Amen"

Decision Made

I have found some peace.  Don't get me wrong.  I am still wounded and troubled on occassion by many small reminders but otherwise I feel good about our decision and what is next in our life and road together.

We will try IVF again.  Not tomorrow because right now, it's a matter of waiting.  We need to get the money together "once again."  Then we will also have to wait our turn at the clinic.  Wi!ford Ha!l does not schedule appointments for IVF patients every month.  They do their IVF procedures in Jan, Apr and Aug of each year.  They see 3 to 4 groups (weeks) of IVF patients.  I have No Idea how many total patients they see a day or month but I know they have long. crazy. busy. days during IVF cycles.  These doctors still continue to see their IUI patients as well as perform any other hospital functions such as making rounds, weekend calls, dealing with any patient pressing issues and seeing "new patients."

After W and I gave ourselves time to think and heal from this failed cycle,  we decided we would like to try IVF one more time.  Here is our thought...  I am not getting any younger.  Yes, people over 40 have children all the time.  But, Do I want to be pregnant over 40?  No, not really, but you know, I trust God.  God has a plan for our family and if his plan for us is to spend quality time with K and grow together even more before we add to our lil nest, then I will accept it.  Even at the ripe age of 40.  It is so funny to me how our opinions and views can change or grow on some issues.  Right now, what was My Plan has not worked out.  I would have had our 3 kids and a beautiful busy life if we were living according to my dream.  But, there is a purpose greater than I can see... I know that!  Do I like it that my plan is not falling into place?  I will answer that with a question.  Can I change it?  No, I have tried!  I am hardheaded and it seems possible that God needed me to hit the wall a few times before I was still enough to listen to him on this topic.  I can now see that my desire, monterary means, age, stress, weight, etc etc can not change any of what I have or do not have currently.   I thought I knew all that but I now think God needed W and I to grow closer to each other again and to Him again.  Are we being tested and molded into something new?  Something greater? 

What I can change and will prepare for this next time is to have a positive outlook.  We will not give up yet.  God said our road here on earth will not be easy all the time.  This could possibly be "our time" to show our faith, our persistence and some grace.  I have also researched a lot and discovered if I want to "help" myself some, I may be able to add a few supplements to my daily routine to possibly help my egg quality.  I am also leaning toward checking out acupuncture.  I have had several friends who have utilized these services with great success and positive outcomes.  I figure I will also try to lose a few pounds the next few months before it's our time to cycle again.  Can't hurt, right!  I know I have been told repeatedly about no dieting becasue it can greatly change your numbers and affect your egg quality or quantity but I am not going to be extreme and try to starve myself or anything.  I think I will try to be smarter about what I am eating and HOW MUCH.   Stepping away from the table a bit sooner should help, right? 

That's the decision we have made for now.  We think we will be asked to be a part of the April cycle but we are not certain about that.  The doctors will give us a call when they start planning for the next cycle.

Decisions

I got the call.  Dr. R called today at 1:17 (right before I had to leave to pick up K- ugh).  I knew the answer that was coming but hearing it from him ...my doctor... the one who preformed all the procedures, was a whole different experience.  We are heartbroken but I had a feeling this was coming. 

This is a really hard thing to understand and deal with but Wade and I have been through a BFN (big fat Negative - that is actually a medical term believe it or not) 6 other times after all our IUIs failed so we will be ok after the shock and frustration wears off.  We have also dealt with having to cancel a few cycles due to active cysts growing on my ovaries from all the meds.  And, the one month we did get a BFP (big fat positive) we ended up dealing with the loss of a baby just a day before I turned 9 weeks pg.  That was sooooo much harder than finding out it never happened.  It will take time and I know distractions, K, and God can help us keep our minds busy and focused on the here and now. 

Looking back, IVF was a wonderful experience for us.  It may be controversial for some but I/we have had a positive experience throughout it.  The staff was wonderful and supportive (we actually miss them when we are not in the clinic each month), our doctors are truthful and easy to communicate with and we felt God was walking with us on occasion.  I recovered VERY quickly from the retrieval and although the injections are NOT my favorite part of the process, they were not that bad.  Thank you to my sweet, strong, courageous steady handed husband.  You were wonderful!  A++ honey.   IVF is also a very indepth procedure that gives the participants a lot more information than is available in any other procedure or reports.  We walked away with more info than we had before doing IVF.  It has given us some insights to consider and pray on.  Now, we have a lot of talking, praying and soul searching to do the next few weeks and possibly months.  I did get to talk to Dr. R on the phone for a full 20 minutes and he was very open and honest. 

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for the love, support and encouragement prayers and hugs.  We really needed them and we have felt so uplifted by many of you.   Please pray for God to guide us and REVEAL his path to us and that our hearts are open and our brains and ears are listening.  God truly is in control.  Even in in virt* ferti!iz@tion.  There are many moments during the process that He can and probably does change outcomes. Hugs to each of you.  We love you!

Data and Numbers

Update, update!
4dp3dt (4 days post 3 day transfer)

We transferred back a total of 3 eggs. 3 eggs, you say!  There was a reason. We went into the transfer appointment Thursday knowing we only wanted 2 eggs transferred but a decision was placed in front of us.

Let's give you a little background info.  On Monday after my ER (egg retri*val) Dr. R told us I did wonderful and we got 6 eggs total.  We did not opt to freeze any eggs so we did not retreive as many eggs as most couples normally do.  Dr R was not sure how 1 of our 6 eggs would develop because it was immature (meaning under-developed).  It did sluff off within 24 hrs before fertilization could occur.  That left us with a total of 5 eggs on Tuesday.  When the clinic called us Tuesday afternoon for the 24-hour embryo update and a follow up on how I was feeling Dr. R said 4 eggs were fertilized.  Yippee!  He also said 1 of the eggs did not get fertilized.  He then asked us to prepare for our  ET (egg transfer) on Day 3 which would be on Thursday Feb 3.  Total eggs now possibly growing = 3.  We have 3 little embabies possibly growing in the lab.  Wade wants to go sleep in the room with them and encourage them along.  I'd just like to see them and whisper sweet dreams and promises to them. 

When we showed up for our consult on Thursday prior to the transfer, Dr. R shared how we had some decisions to make.  He talked extensively with us about some results, data, statistics, and philosophically as well about embryo quality, implantation, etc.  He was very candid and sincere.  I even asked if this was his wife what he would do.  Doctors always LOVE that question!  Our decision was to decide on the number of eggs we want transferred back in.  We had 1 of our remaining 3 eggs that more than likely was not healthy.  It did not grade very well compared to our other two eggs and had a very small chance of implantating. 

The egg in question was a 5 cell C with 60% fragmentation.  The other two were 6 cell C's with 20% fragmentation and 25% fragmentation.  Dr. R said we had about a 35% chance of getting pregnant this cycle.  Those numbers may not seem great to you but WOW!  That is double the success from our past IUI experiences.

Now, a 5 cell embryo is not a terrible egg.  It can implant and has been known to implant but the 5 cells coupled with all the other statistics (fragmentation) it had, it made the chances (<1%) to implant highly improbable.  Most eggs need to be somewhere between 6 to 8 cells or more by Day 3 of development to implant properly.  It was also graded a C because it had some differences in the size of the dividing cells. Typically they need to be somewhat similar in size, round not oblong or irregular.  The worst factor for that third egg was it had 60% fragmentation which meant it possibly had some DNA issues. An egg that is more than 25% fragmented has pieces of the cells broken off inside the egg which does not allow it to stick to the uterus lining very well if at all.  There was a chance it could stick and implant because it has happened before but it would be highly unlikely.  Another aspect Dr R asked us to consider was if it did implant, it could repair itself and everything would be okay or we could miscarry.   Dr R also said it is thought that these eggs could have some semblance between them and that it could encourage the other 2 eggs to implant.  That info with the fact that the egg would just be tossed if we did not transfer it, helped Wade and I decide that we had to have faith and trust God to take care of us.  So, leap of faith time!  We put all three of those embabies back in utero and prayed for the best. 

He knows what we can handle.   Time to step up once again and Trust in Him.

Today I am PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise).  I have 3 embabies on board.  I am resting as much as one can with a child in the house and my Type A personality.  We are excited, faithful, prayerful, hopeful but realistic.  Only God knows our hearts.  Only God knows our future.

Ready Set Go

I made it!  I know this picture is very personal but I am proud of myself for getting through these needles.  I had a meltdown after Day 1 because I was not so sure I could handle all of them.  I am growing!  I know it may seem pretty odd that I took a picture of my stomach with permanent marker all over it too.  The past few cycles Wade and I have been writing messages after each shot to mix it up and have some fun with all the needles and this process.  It's our way of lightening the situation.  some examples of messages include...B-Boy, G-Girl, Happy Faces or Circles for lil eggs.  I am proud to be at this point.  I made it to a place where I never thought I'd feel comfortable.  Injections are still Not my favorite thing to do in this world but I had a wonderful nurse.  Mr Wade!  We are ready for our ER (egg retrieval) on Monday.  I have had 23 injections to date (over the course of 9 days) while consuming 4 meds this past week.   One of which I was taking every 6 hours and had to wake at night to take it.  I think I was more worn out from that every evening than all the injections. Needless to say,  I now know that I can make it through all these injections if I have to.  Thank you Lord for the peace, strength and comfort.  Thank you Wade for your love and support.

Coming Full Circle

We have decided to do it! 

The one thing that both Wade and I thought over 2 years ago we would NEVER consider.  Who does IVF (in vitr0 inferti!iz@tion)?  Most of the people we know that have chosen IVF have had medical reasons for doing so and we are just unexplained.  We both knew our path to having another baby may not be easy but we did not think we would NEED the help of doctors to have another child.  Or even utilize the help of doctors to remove eggs from me, let those sweet lil eggs fertilize outside of me and then transfer them back to me.  Lesson to us... BE OPEN to new things and know that life, that God can change or present you moments or obstacles that change how you feel, think and act.  I think we may be a little hardheaded because we had lots of lessons this summer.  Wade and I both know and have experienced how God can and will open doors and just because we are scared of something new and different, it does NOT make it a right or wrong decision.   I know I am no longer scared of having a miscarriage because I know if I have to.  I will survive and can get through it with the love of my husband and help from our family and friends.

Our decision to try IVF was NOT a decision we made quickly or without the thorough indepth study of research, MANY meetings and conversations with our RE's (repr0ductive end0crino!ogists).  We also prayed for doors to be opened and answers to be revealed to us.  Month after month after month of trying on our own.  2 years to be exact! Then the last 2 years we have lived through month after month of doctor visits, test after test, blood work, pills, injections and indepth through review of our medical history and background.   We have endured almost 4 years of infertility.  Four years of wanting to have a baby. Four years of hearing about numerous family and friends impeding pregnancies and then hearing about them having their babies.  Hoping that "maybe" we will be next.  Thank goodness I am not a jealous person (Thank you Lord!) because I have truly been thrilled for our family and friends and the little miracles that they have been so very blessed with. 

We will be starting this phase of treatments in Jan with lots of faith and hope as well as a ton of fear.  I am ScAreD of all the needles and blood work that will be in front of me.  How I will or may I "act" while on all these hormones is also another concern.  It's a good thing I did not know ALL the details to IVF before now because I may have run the other way.  But, the money is gone now.  The paperwork has been signed, mailed and delivered.  We think our prayers have been answered and it feels right.  We made our decision together so it's time to have a new experience.  Others we know have utilized the help of doctors with IVF procedures.  Some of those we know have had their one or two babies, others have one or several failed cycles.  We do not want to continue to go on and on but we know we want to give it at least one try for now.  It truly will be in Gods hands and we will take it one day and one step at a time.