Tuesday, February 15, 2011


I got the call.  Dr. R called today at 1:17 (right before I had to leave to pick up K- ugh).  I knew the answer that was coming but hearing it from him ...my doctor... the one who preformed all the procedures, was a whole different experience.  We are heartbroken but I had a feeling this was coming. 

This is a really hard thing to understand and deal with but Wade and I have been through a BFN (big fat Negative - that is actually a medical term believe it or not) 6 other times after all our IUIs failed so we will be ok after the shock and frustration wears off.  We have also dealt with having to cancel a few cycles due to active cysts growing on my ovaries from all the meds.  And, the one month we did get a BFP (big fat positive) we ended up dealing with the loss of a baby just a day before I turned 9 weeks pg.  That was sooooo much harder than finding out it never happened.  It will take time and I know distractions, K, and God can help us keep our minds busy and focused on the here and now. 

Looking back, IVF was a wonderful experience for us.  It may be controversial for some but I/we have had a positive experience throughout it.  The staff was wonderful and supportive (we actually miss them when we are not in the clinic each month), our doctors are truthful and easy to communicate with and we felt God was walking with us on occasion.  I recovered VERY quickly from the retrieval and although the injections are NOT my favorite part of the process, they were not that bad.  Thank you to my sweet, strong, courageous steady handed husband.  You were wonderful!  A++ honey.   IVF is also a very indepth procedure that gives the participants a lot more information than is available in any other procedure or reports.  We walked away with more info than we had before doing IVF.  It has given us some insights to consider and pray on.  Now, we have a lot of talking, praying and soul searching to do the next few weeks and possibly months.  I did get to talk to Dr. R on the phone for a full 20 minutes and he was very open and honest. 

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for the love, support and encouragement prayers and hugs.  We really needed them and we have felt so uplifted by many of you.   Please pray for God to guide us and REVEAL his path to us and that our hearts are open and our brains and ears are listening.  God truly is in control.  Even in in virt* ferti!iz@tion.  There are many moments during the process that He can and probably does change outcomes. Hugs to each of you.  We love you!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Data and Numbers

Update, update!
4dp3dt (4 days post 3 day transfer)

We transferred back a total of 3 eggs. 3 eggs, you say!  There was a reason. We went into the transfer appointment Thursday knowing we only wanted 2 eggs transferred but a decision was placed in front of us.

Let's give you a little background info.  On Monday after my ER (egg retri*val) Dr. R told us I did wonderful and we got 6 eggs total.  We did not opt to freeze any eggs so we did not retreive as many eggs as most couples normally do.  Dr R was not sure how 1 of our 6 eggs would develop because it was immature (meaning under-developed).  It did sluff off within 24 hrs before fertilization could occur.  That left us with a total of 5 eggs on Tuesday.  When the clinic called us Tuesday afternoon for the 24-hour embryo update and a follow up on how I was feeling Dr. R said 4 eggs were fertilized.  Yippee!  He also said 1 of the eggs did not get fertilized.  He then asked us to prepare for our  ET (egg transfer) on Day 3 which would be on Thursday Feb 3.  Total eggs now possibly growing = 3.  We have 3 little embabies possibly growing in the lab.  Wade wants to go sleep in the room with them and encourage them along.  I'd just like to see them and whisper sweet dreams and promises to them. 

When we showed up for our consult on Thursday prior to the transfer, Dr. R shared how we had some decisions to make.  He talked extensively with us about some results, data, statistics, and philosophically as well about embryo quality, implantation, etc.  He was very candid and sincere.  I even asked if this was his wife what he would do.  Doctors always LOVE that question!  Our decision was to decide on the number of eggs we want transferred back in.  We had 1 of our remaining 3 eggs that more than likely was not healthy.  It did not grade very well compared to our other two eggs and had a very small chance of implantating. 

The egg in question was a 5 cell C with 60% fragmentation.  The other two were 6 cell C's with 20% fragmentation and 25% fragmentation.  Dr. R said we had about a 35% chance of getting pregnant this cycle.  Those numbers may not seem great to you but WOW!  That is double the success from our past IUI experiences.

Now, a 5 cell embryo is not a terrible egg.  It can implant and has been known to implant but the 5 cells coupled with all the other statistics (fragmentation) it had, it made the chances (<1%) to implant highly improbable.  Most eggs need to be somewhere between 6 to 8 cells or more by Day 3 of development to implant properly.  It was also graded a C because it had some differences in the size of the dividing cells. Typically they need to be somewhat similar in size, round not oblong or irregular.  The worst factor for that third egg was it had 60% fragmentation which meant it possibly had some DNA issues. An egg that is more than 25% fragmented has pieces of the cells broken off inside the egg which does not allow it to stick to the uterus lining very well if at all.  There was a chance it could stick and implant because it has happened before but it would be highly unlikely.  Another aspect Dr R asked us to consider was if it did implant, it could repair itself and everything would be okay or we could miscarry.   Dr R also said it is thought that these eggs could have some semblance between them and that it could encourage the other 2 eggs to implant.  That info with the fact that the egg would just be tossed if we did not transfer it, helped Wade and I decide that we had to have faith and trust God to take care of us.  So, leap of faith time!  We put all three of those embabies back in utero and prayed for the best. 

He knows what we can handle.   Time to step up once again and Trust in Him.

Today I am PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise).  I have 3 embabies on board.  I am resting as much as one can with a child in the house and my Type A personality.  We are excited, faithful, prayerful, hopeful but realistic.  Only God knows our hearts.  Only God knows our future.