Decisions

I got the call.  Dr. R called today at 1:17 (right before I had to leave to pick up K- ugh).  I knew the answer that was coming but hearing it from him ...my doctor... the one who preformed all the procedures, was a whole different experience.  We are heartbroken but I had a feeling this was coming. 

This is a really hard thing to understand and deal with but Wade and I have been through a BFN (big fat Negative - that is actually a medical term believe it or not) 6 other times after all our IUIs failed so we will be ok after the shock and frustration wears off.  We have also dealt with having to cancel a few cycles due to active cysts growing on my ovaries from all the meds.  And, the one month we did get a BFP (big fat positive) we ended up dealing with the loss of a baby just a day before I turned 9 weeks pg.  That was sooooo much harder than finding out it never happened.  It will take time and I know distractions, K, and God can help us keep our minds busy and focused on the here and now. 

Looking back, IVF was a wonderful experience for us.  It may be controversial for some but I/we have had a positive experience throughout it.  The staff was wonderful and supportive (we actually miss them when we are not in the clinic each month), our doctors are truthful and easy to communicate with and we felt God was walking with us on occasion.  I recovered VERY quickly from the retrieval and although the injections are NOT my favorite part of the process, they were not that bad.  Thank you to my sweet, strong, courageous steady handed husband.  You were wonderful!  A++ honey.   IVF is also a very indepth procedure that gives the participants a lot more information than is available in any other procedure or reports.  We walked away with more info than we had before doing IVF.  It has given us some insights to consider and pray on.  Now, we have a lot of talking, praying and soul searching to do the next few weeks and possibly months.  I did get to talk to Dr. R on the phone for a full 20 minutes and he was very open and honest. 

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for the love, support and encouragement prayers and hugs.  We really needed them and we have felt so uplifted by many of you.   Please pray for God to guide us and REVEAL his path to us and that our hearts are open and our brains and ears are listening.  God truly is in control.  Even in in virt* ferti!iz@tion.  There are many moments during the process that He can and probably does change outcomes. Hugs to each of you.  We love you!